I usually hate surprises but I got one on Friday.We don’t have to work this whole week of Thanksgiving.I was so excited because this is usually the week that when my feet hit the floor I am running,well actually hobbling with my arthritic knees being what they are.I was trying to think of all the things that I am thankful for and one of them was not the physical I had scheduled for this morning.I hate going to the doctor.The nurse comes in and starts her business checking and wants to know if something is wrong as my blood pressure is high and the pulse is elevated. Of course my body is going wack-a-do because I know that after this part is over I will come to the undressing of my body. I think to myself there is nothing like being totally naked except for a paper gown made for an anorexic model to make you feel comfortable in the little room you have to wait thirty minutes for to see the doctor.I know the paper blanket they give you is supposed to be comforting, but come on,it is the size of a postage stamp and not very warm.She asks me if I am comfortable and I want to tell her yes,I was just thinking how attractive I look in this outfit and wonder if I can buy another one just like it to wear to my second job as a pole dancer,but I don’t because I am thinking I want that noise in the background to stop.While you are in there trying to hold the gown together and keep the paper blanket over you music is playing softly in the background.I don’t know why that is because the last thing I need right then is stupid irritating elevator music.I am telling you if I would have had a gun and I could have found the speakers there would have been no more music.Finally the doctor comes in and I am glad to get this show on the road,that is until she starts asking all these questions.I love talking about my sex life at nine o’clock in the morning on a paper sheet that I know is going to rip when she tells me to scooch down so she can insert a very large metal object in my worn out body.For a minute I feel very proud because she tells the nurse we need the smaller tool and I think finally,something not overweight!I always have irregular pap smears and I remember having to go see a specialist one time after I had my son.The guy had a cold and was coughing all over the place and all I could think of was, isn’t it bad enough to have a problem down there and now I am going to be the first person in history to get a head cold not in my head.The doctor I am seeing today looks very healthy so I don’t have to worry about that.We get through the exam and I am happy.Now all I have to do is get my bone density test and mammogram.I don’t mind that as you are fully clothed for the bone test and at least you get to keep your pants on for the mammogram.
I complain about this but I know they are necessary and next time I know I will be better.I just have to think of ways to let my mind go and relax a little.Maybe next time I could wear crotch less underwear and then I wouldn’t have to be naked.I wonder what they would say if the next time I get my physical I came in with a set of sheets and an afghan my mom crocheted me………………………
- There was a time in my life that the thought of any of my kids living anywhere else but home would bring a lump in my throat and an ache in my heart.I was on the boarder line of a nervous breakdown when my oldest daughter Brooke got married and had to move in with her husband.Then Jared left me and moved out of state and I knew I was going to go off the deep end for sure.Bethany and Alisha were always wanting to get out of Dodge from the time they graduated and it wasn’t long before Beth joined the Navy and after a terrible time in our lives Alisha, my baby, moved out too.After each kid left I had a horrible time battling depression and fear.The separation was horrible.I bawled and bawled.The kids thought they didn’t need me anymore and my life was over.Who would keep them out of trouble and on the straight and narrow?I knew that their spiritual life would never be the same and I would never be happy again.Do you get where this is going?I was, I thought clinically insane and not for the first time in my life oh so WRONG.
Gone are the days of missed curfews and and untruths as to where they were.No more worries about alcohol and premarital sex under our roof,and the fights of two cat scratching sisters always trying to one up the other.Our grocery and light bill are doable and we sometimes have money for ourselves to go out to dinner on a Thursday before we get our check.The gas we put in the vehicles we drive out and the house looks like it did when I left for work in the morning.To think I was dreading the very life I now love living is almost laughable.We can do what we want when we want.We hold hands and we kiss.We can talk things over out loud and not be worried that the kids might hear.We can eat cereal for supper if we want to.When the phone rings it’s for us and if someone knocks on the door I am almost sure it isn’t the police!My make up is my own.My very own.No one else goes in my bathroom and borrows stuff that I never get back.When I put something down it is in the same spot I left it.The gremlins that moved everything apparently left when the kids did.I can now remain calm when I hear a siren and not worry one of them has been in an accident.
I know it sounds like when they moved out I hung up my parent hat and that is not true.I still worry at times but now that I am not in the middle of their mistakes it is easier for me to relax.If they don’t tell me something important ,like they got married or fired from a job I can breathe.I know they will learn that God is still in control and when they do something wrong it is Him they should worry about ,not what I think.I love every one of my kids and would give my life for any of them and they all know it,but living under the same roof has come to an end and we are all probably glad it’s over.I believe we had many more good times than bad and I do miss them,but I will get over it.
Now I can enjoy playing with my grandkids and I am not the one raising them.The picture you see is a portrait my Lexie made of me.That is how she sees me all happy and blue skies my arms as the cross between happiness and her biggest supporter.I hope my kids feel that way about their dad and me too.That is how I look when my kids come home and also when it is their time to go.
It is nice to be able to love your family and not be in charge of every little thing,to be able to lay on the couch for five minutes when you get home from work before you prepare the cereal and to know that the remote is right where you put it—————–if you can remember where you put it in the first place.
My life has drastically changed in this last year and I think I love it.Today my husband of nearly forty years came in complaining that he lost about five thousand dollars in his retirement fund.I know that sounds bad but really I can remember when we didn’t have two nickels to rub together let alone five thousand dollars to lose.We heated our home with two fuel oil stoves in the winter and our windows were drafty and the floors ice cold.We never wanted for much though because we loved our life.If you heard a snow storm was coming you didn’t stay home,you packed up the kids and went to moms or your sisters and sometimes stayed for three days.We played Monopoly and Scrabble.We made huge pots of goulash and chili and we laughed.I especially loved going to my sister Linda’s.We would bake and I would sleep in her sun porch among all of her beautiful plants.We drove old rattle trap cars and when we started to work at Walbros Linda had a white Buick( I think it was) that we had to put a bottle of transmission fluid in or something every day to get to work.One day we had a dead cat in the motor and it stunk sooooooooooo bad and we were afraid to look in it and had a guy at work take it out for us.I also slammed a cats head in the car door and killed it that very same week.I just thank God it wasn’t Jami’s kitten Blacky and Whitey.Yup one cat with a long name.I think the end of that car was when we were coming home from work and the tye rod broke.We were always doing something with the kids after they came along.It wouldn’t cost a lot of money but it would be fun.Every Friday we would walk around Kmart or once in a blue moon take them for a pizza.There was one afternoon we were in Kmart and the girls had to go to the bathroom.We opened the door and a woman naked from the waist down was drying her butt off at the hand drying thing.We were so grossed out and yet we laughed that stupid scared laugh you get when you’re in a situation like that.We were out of there so fast.We mostly stayed home though and watched TV or rented a movie and made popcorn,something I do with my grandkids yet today.Really our fun never came from the money we spent,it came from the people we were with and our own imaginations.
I think those days were hard but they made us who we are and I wouldn’t change any part of it.A lot of young people now days do not know how to wait for anything or even save for it.My kids in their early life have so much more than I ever did at their age.It bothers me sometimes when I see kids today have to have the best phone,car, computer,clothes,or whatever and there is nothing to speak of in their savings account.They spend like there is no tomorrow and then when they get in trouble they come to us who have went our whole lives trying to save to bail them out.The sad part is that we usually do and when they get back on their feet we are usually the last person they think to repay.I don’t think that kids know the real meaning of happiness doesn’t have to come from possessions,it comes from the simple things.I hope there comes a day when our kids are content with what they have and not hunger for what they don’t need.I want them to remember that everything has a price and that credit is something you should give not spend.I want them to realize that memories are priceless and laughter doesn’t cost a cent.
I now play games with my grandkids and we have a blast.Peyton and I were in a serious match of tic tac toe the other night.She is so funny.Her mom was making her play Go Fish with a deck of cards to help her learn her numbers not long after that and she got sick of it.The next thing I heard was Peyton saying——Mom I don’t want to play Go Fish anymore,I want to play Old Hag.(she meant Old Maid).It was then we had a whole lot of that free laughter going around,and another one of those memories,and it didn’t cost a cent.
I love remembering certain things in my life and telling my grandkids about them.Alexis and Peyton can tell you stories about my grandma’s pet chicken Fancy as well as all of my sisters.They love to sit on my lap and listen to me just I like I did with my grandma when I was little.She was and still is one of my greatest treasures.The woman had spunk and determination like no one else.She was a German farm woman to the bone and also as artistic as anyone ever born.There was one thing she just could not tolerate and that was WEEDS.She knew the name of every weed in Michigan and it wasn’t unusual to see her go into a ditch bank to chop out a thistle or the neighbors field before a weed went to seed.There was pusley and pigs weed,smart weed and morning glory,but the worst of them all was quack grass.She hated the stuff and had a personal war with it.We hoed every day in the summer and prayed for rain every night like most kids in a farm home.The only thing that saved us was Grandma.She would bring out Brach’s hard candy that we bought at Woolworths by the pound and water in an old vanilla bottle when we were at the other end of the field and thirsty.She hoed most of the time in a house dress gone bad and high heels she bought at the Immanuel Lutheran Church rummage sale.Oh,And I can’t forget her straw hat with the red stripe around the brim.She was my wonderful Grandma and I was her Dilly.We were there to hoe and no fooling around but did we get some stories.We found out about nosy neighbors(Dorothy)and Grandpa’s not so upstanding family.I really don’t think she liked any of them except a sister that was killed on a railroad track car incident.I am sure she would have a heart attack if she knew some of the things that have happened in our family,but maybe not.She did come over with a horse whip to teach one mean stepfather a lesson.She really in my opinion wasn’t afraid of anything.She could sew and crochet and cook and bake like no one I have ever known.I still miss her and I am so thankful to have had her.I know this sounds foolish as a Christian but sometimes I miss her so much I can’t wait to get to Heaven just to see her again.My sister Loretta shared a poem with me that she wrote about my Grandparents that I hold very dear to me and I get it out every once in a while to read.The memories are so vivid for Loretta that it is something I realize we all have in common,maybe not the greatest childhood,but the greatest memories anybody could want.I hope we all have the chance to bring the same gut wrenching memories to our grandkids and our kids,too.I want them to belly laugh(and that could start an earthquake with me)out loud when they are all alone,I want them to learn about their families delicious secrets,I want them to be able to hum Grandma’s tee hump pee dump song,but most of all I want them to know that I loved them all with every fiber in me. Grandma would have too.