This is the inside of my church. It isn’t the first church I remember but it is the one I have been raised in and I brought my kids up in. Today was one of those Sundays you can write in the books about. It is blog material people. Albert or Papa or Dad Or Hungarian Work Horse (he has many names) had to be there early today so I would bring up the rear later.As I was pulling up beside the church I watched my soon to be eighty year old mother get out of her little blue Buick and throw something in Hungarian Work Horse’s red Ford F150. I laughed because she was all dolled up and cute as a button.
This is Mom. Not today but as you can see she always tries to look adorable. Now back to the story.
Mom saw me walking up to the church and with a great big grin on her face she waited for me to catch up to her. We saw my sister Linda and my brother in law Greg of Sonny and Cher fame sitting in a pew so we slipped in beside them with me being in the middle of Linda and Mom. I was thinking this was working out pretty good because when Hungarian Work Horse came to sit after he got his stuff done Mom would be in between us. I love sitting by him but sometimes when he really gets into the music it makes me laugh. I try not to but for me it is an impossible situation because he has no tone or rhythm yet he loves to sing. Things were going pretty well until I dropped my bulletin. Linda smiled at me and picked it up for me. I smiled back. A few minutes later my little singing book left my hands like a paper airplane into the pew ahead of us and landed on the floor.I felt laughter bubbling at the back of my throat but somehow kept it there although my smile was laughing hard and my face was kind of twitching. Greg gave me his little song book and probably shared with Linda, I was thinking that was a real sacrifice for him till I remembered he sings silently.
This is the part where I tell you how much my family means to me and all the times they have to look the other way because I laugh at stuff and it makes them laugh. At home, at work, at funerals, at meetings, and yes at church, nowhere is safe with me and those poor people get embarrassed and I don’t blame them. Linda especially because she is usually my partner in crime. God bless her for being my sister.
As we sit listening to God’s word I am so happy. My Mom is here and my sister too, Mom still sings in harmony with us and I love it. Linda and I cry when we sing certain songs and nobody even notices anymore. It is memories of my sweet Grandma Jahr’s voice and precious snippets of time with my daughter and grandkids snuggled beside me.It is remembering my sisters and sitting in our Sunday dresses beside each other. It is heaven on earth. I am happy and when I am happy I laugh.
After the sermon we had communion. In our church you go to the front and kneel at the alter to receive the Body and Blood of our Lord. Work Horse was helping the pastor and I always think he is so handsome up there. He is such a good man and he takes it seriously as he should but he is always nervous. He is a behind the scenes kind of guy and I know it takes everything in him to do this task. I am standing in between Linda and Mom and all of a sudden the lady in front of me is drinking from the common cup that pastor is holding and it gets dropped red wine spewing everywhere. It is more than I can take. I am watching the pastor trying to clean up the alter, the floor, and the cushion that we kneel on with a little hanky. My eyes are watering with laughter but no sound yet people. I am proud that is until Work Horse comes by with the little individual cups for the people that don’t want to drink from the common one. He looks white as a sheet and in a monotone scared voice is saying take and drink take and drink take and drink. He can’t remember any of the other words. His hands are shaking so bad that the little cups are tinking against each other. I am done then and I start laughing choking and heading for the basement to try to make the laughter stop. I am sure glad the grandkids did not witness this one.
They say sing to the Lord with a joyful voice. I don’t think He cares if there is a little humor either. I know He loves me even when a spectacle is being made. Blessings Everyone.
These last few months have been very trying for me. I have had to adjust to my daughter and granddaughter moving out. This alone could have sent me over the edge a few years ago but now I can honestly say I roll with most of the punches that life swings at me. I have felt blessed to live this life God has given me and am so thankful for my many blessings. I try not to sweat the small stuff. That is unless it concerns my sisters or my mother. I can be overly protective and sometimes very judgmental. I remember being afraid and always working. I expect more from all of us because we have so much knowledge of what can go wrong with life. We know about divorce and poverty. We have experienced child abuse and ridicule. I believe every one of us walk around with something from our past that has a tendency to affect our future and I would like to see that cycle end. When my mom married my last stepdad Ward my life changed. Here he is with Beth on her confirmation day. For the first time in my life I was never worried about safety and my mothers love or her judgment. He gave me courage and the will to look at things from the outside. To this day if someone says one word about him not being perfect it makes me sad. I know that quiet man had faults,we all do but because of him and his willingness to change our life is so much better. My mom complains about his transgressions sometimes and I feel like she is angry with him. I could do the same thing about my past but what sense does that make. It is what it is. I try to remember the good times. Granted they were far and few at times but they were there. Linda and I having our babies Linette and Loretta. Seeing Lori when Daddy snuck us up to the hospital after one of her many surgeries and the miracle of baby Lana that we would run off the bus to be the first one to hold her. I hold everyone of those memories so close. They are precious to me. I don’t want those girls to ever be hurt. I don’t want my mom to have bad feelings about any of us and I want us to realize how lucky we are to have each other still walking and breathing when there are so many families that are broken by death way to soon.There is a rift in this family right now and the longer it goes on the easier it is to continue. My mom was only seventeen when she started having kids so a lot of times it is like she is a sister instead of a mother. Then there is the fact we are all women and you know how feelings are with the female species. I can get my feelings hurt with The Work Horse and the poor guy doesn’t even know it.
Here he is in his Sonny Bono days. The love of my life and sometimes the pain in my neck but always my hero. God help him for putting up with me. Sometimes it isn’t about who is right sometimes it is about who can swallow their pride and remember their blessings.That is what I want for my mom and my sisters. I am not the perfect sister or wife or mother. I have made many mistakes but for quite a few years it has gotten easier and easier to let go of bad feelings. It is exhausting to be hurt and mad. When I leave this earth I want my family to remember me with a smile and know whatever I said was because I loved them and wanted what was best for them never to judge. I don’t care who is the favorite or who does the most. All I want is peace and harmony for a family that so deserves it after everything they have been through. The thing about a disagreement that carries on for too long is people tend to forget about the content and just remember the hurt. How stupid is that when you miss the person and your pride won’t let you move forward. I know as a mom I have been mad at my kids and sometimes haven’t talked to them. I can tell you it is the worst feeling in the world for me and for them. We talk about it now and I am so thankful they accept that I made a mistake. Parents should never close a door on their kids. Siblings should never not use the closeness of their past to render the richness of their future. I want to learn from my mistakes and be a blessing to my family even when I insert my foot in my mouth instead of having someone put theirs in my behind.
Last week Bethany and I had a conversation that left an impact on me. She is in the Navy and married a guy without telling us. After we finally met him her dad and I knew he was not going to work as her husband. He quit his job. He stayed home and played video games and thought of ways to spend her money.She made excuses for him every time we talked to her. We were angry. One night in bed The Work Horse told me we were done worrying and she would come to her senses in her own time. He was right and now they are divorced. It took her a long time to right the wrong but she did it. I hope she learned a hard lesson and is never fooled again. I want her to know that we will always be there for her and will listen when she calls for our help. We might not like what she says but the door of communication will always be open. I need to love that girl with everything in me. She is far away in distance but as close as a heartbeat in my mind. I love her no matter what. That is what I want for all of my sisters and my mom.
Getting along is not easy but it is so worth it. Wouldn’t it be terrible if someone died and you never had the chance to mend a broken fence post. That fence is no good to anyone with a post broke.It lets everything out no matter how strong the other posts are. I don’t want to be the broken post that let all the richness of our hard labor of love out. Do you? Common sense is easy if you let it. I hope my grandkids get the chance to see all of our family at one more gathering before it is too late. When I was little my cousins and my aunts were my saving grace. I want my grandkids to know their nana’s family. I don’t want them to meet at funerals. I want them to play at parties. It can be a reality if we just remember our blessings instead of someone’s faults. There was only one perfect person born on this earth and fortunately He is part of this family and forgives us everyday no matter what we do to Him. He answers the phone when we call and opens the door when we stop in. I hope all of us remember that. Our kids and grandkids are watching and learning from us. We are their compass and they need all of us. I don’t want my little Peyton to think that someone is dying because she hasn’t seen them in church. She told me that is what happened when Grandpa Perkie died (Ward). He got sick and couldn’t come to church and then he died. That is her reality. I don’t want to explain adult things to this smart little girl so don’t make me. Give her peace of mind that her family is ok. Let’s make her fence strong and with boundaries of forgiveness and happiness. This family is a bounty of blessings and I hope all of us know it. Blessings everyone and hope to see you soon. Liz
I got a phone call from Brooke the other day. She is my oldest daughter and the mother to the bulk of my grandchildren.She had the kids at the park because Alexis had ball practice. I think she was a little taken back as her kids were playing when she over heard a couple of boys make a statement as they looked at Peyton. Two simple words. SHE’S HOT
She is only eight years old and the boys weren’t much more than that I guess. Brooke is a teacher of kindergarten so she pretty much hears everything but this was about Peyton who thank goodness never heard the statement. She needs no more self confidence. She oozes it like water from a crack in a Michigan basement and it drives her big sister Alexis crazy.
I know what that is like. In my eyes my little sisters were always way cuter than me and it took it’s toll on my idea of how I was perceived to other people. Thank God Alexis has two wonderful parents that keep the nobody is better system in place. There are no big heads at their house. They are what my dream family would have been when I was little.
We laughed as we were talking about those wonderful kids and I kept thinking that my love for Brooke just gets stronger and stronger. How is that possible when she has always meant so much to me. She is the mother I always wanted to be. Peyton is kind and loving because of the way Mike and Brooke taught her. She is one lucky little girl and her and all of the kids are fun to be around because of that. Like I said everybody has their heads the right proportion for their age.
I just wish I would have been the one to over hear little boys say something so stupid. I would have replied— Yes, she always sweats like that.
Today was one of those days I will hold in my heart forever. I had two strong willed kids that love to pretend at my house. It was a day for plowing and seeing who was going to be the driver of all things that move. McKenzie aka my Little Peaches was doing a lot of button pushing on Little Dude’s tractor and I was OK with that until she figured out how to get it to go. That thing is too dangerous for her to drive herself. Her mother usually hops on the thing and they go around the yard but she had to work today so that was not an option.
They climbed on Papa’s garden tractor and you can see it is always safety first with Peaches.
There was quite a discussion on who was going to drive. You can see who won. I mean would you argue with that?
It took her a few minutes to study the controls but after that Little Dude had complete confidence in her. Oh the places they went and the giggles that in sued.
Just look at her backing up. Now that takes skill.
Can you tell which one of them had the bath after all that work?
Today I say thank you God for my grandkids and the parents that don’t let them sit in front of a television screen or gaming system. The world is theirs to explore and pretend. Someday Little Dude will tell Peaches about the day he let her drive and she will laugh and laugh. He will say it is because she was spoiled and she will know in her heart he is right.She will always love him for that and he will always love her because she needs him. That is what big boy cousins do.
Today as I sat in church with my grandkids I had a lump in my throat because my Alexis that beautiful baby in the picture above is almost eleven years old. Gone are her days of being carted around on her Aunt Alisha’s hip but not the connection of their love for each other.Alisha still loves that girl and it is evident because she trusts her with her own baby McKenzie.
Fast forward nine years later and some things never change. Braces and pajamas and babies getting carted around are still prevalent in this house and I am glad. Being adored when you are ten by a little person is awesome. That look of joy I see on my Lexie’s face is the same look I saw on Alisha’s when she was that age. I savor the innocence like I do my Little Dude’s kisses because I know they will not last forever. I remember loving my cousins like that. There is just something about girls and their cousins. McKenzie will run to Alexis before any of the other kids. They have a bond and I know Alexis loves it and who wouldn’t, just look at those cheeks!
So today I am thankful for the time that went so fast it almost came full circle. It is hard to believe that my baby has a baby and my first granddaughter is old enough to cart a baby around. I wish I could slow this time down but I don’t think I will worry about it, just enjoy it. Thank God for little girls.
This little girl is in the middle of a war and she doesn’t even know it. It about knocks the breath of me to know that she is loved by many and fought over by two families.
About two weeks ago I came home from work with a note on our bar in the kitchen from my daughter. It said, I am here now but McKenzie is not. Alisha left the residence that her and her boyfriend lived in and he wouldn’t let her take her baby. Her heart was broken and she was afraid. After five agonizing days the police picked this little girl up and returned her to her mother. Now through the court system they have to figure out what is best for McKenzie and I can see already it is going to be an uphill climb because these parents cannot talk to each other. There is bitterness and anger and for that I am so sorry. I hate that my daughter has to feel like this. She is such a good little mama and I am proud of the way she takes care of her daughter. Her voice will be forever seared in my brain when she would call and just sob,”Mom, I just want my baby.” I heard this on her way to work and sometimes on her way home from work. She just wanted her baby. It was gut wrenching and I couldn’t sleep just trying to think of ways to console her. I knew that she would get her baby because her baby belongs with her I just didn’t know when. I am so thankful that McKenzie is with us and that she is such a happy little girl.
Through this Alisha has learned many things. She now tells me she wished that she would have listened to her dad and me when she was eighteen. We didn’t want her to live with somebody before she was married and she now knows that sneaking around to meet her now babies father was not the right thing to do. I don’t know if she thought that we wouldn’t approve of him or if in her heart she knew that he wasn’t good for her but the hard truth is they should never have been a couple. She tells me that she has regrets but she did get a miracle out of the deal and that is McKenzie and I tend to agree with her. I love having the baby here because we hardly see hardly ever saw them when her and the babies father were together. She is a little miracle and I am so glad Alisha has her. McKenzie is Alisha’s hope for the future and her help in the journey back to her family. We have both of them in our hub to stay and there is no doubt in my mind that Alisha feels the same way. I can’t worry about the outcome of this mess but I can enjoy and rejoice in the love my family. I know Alisha’s lesson in this is a hard one, undeniably more than she thinks she can handle but I know she can do it. This family won’t let her down. She is protected by her dad and my love and support no matter what. We have already gotten so many blessings with her coming back home.She talks to me and never seems to tire of it. She wants to do the right thing and she wants to go back to school. Her goals are attainable with her families help and I want her to know that we will help in any way we can. We love her and no matter what she did in her past and we are proud of her. She too is a miracle.
Lessons in life are hard and going through something like this always leaves a sour taste in my mouth. I don’t like conflict and I don’t like to fight. I want the right thing for Alisha and McKenzie to happen and I believe it will. This last week I started thinking about when the girls were in high school and their petty arguments would want me to rip out my hair. How those days look so simple now. I pray that I do the right thing always for my girl and my granddaughter. Alisha if you are reading this right now just know it is going to be alright. Your future is just waiting to spill goodness on you and McKenzie. You will someday look back and this will be a memory not a nightmare like it is now. You now walk the walk of a mother and God loves a good mother. When Jesus was hanging on the cross He loved His mother so much that He gave her another son. That shows me how much compassion God has for a mother suffering. I have thought of this many times and I want you to remember it. Use your lips for kissing your daughter (and your mother wouldn’t mind one once in a while) and good things will happen. God gave you McKenzie and He won’t take her away.
My hope in all of this is that young people really think hard before they make choices. I find it comforting that my daughter now knows that her dad and I always wanted the best for her. Simply put she is ours even if someone called us adopted parents in a document. Blood doesn’t make family. Love does.
. Little Dude never made it to church last Sunday and I was telling him how I let another little boy sit by me and play with my Kindle. He got mad about it.
“Nana he betta watch out because I might punch him.”
“Honey, that isn’t very nice. Do you think that Jesus would say something like that?”
“Nana, don’t wowwy I wouldn’t punch Jesus.”