A Letter To My Peaches

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Peaches,

Today is the first Sunday night you will not be tucked into your bed here and I miss you.I am crying as I type this and I hardly ever cry anymore. I went to your Mom’s work and told her you had to go to your dad’s. It was one of the hardest things I have ever done. I feel like I have failed you miserably and I want you to know that you are so loved by your Momma and the rest of us. These last six months have been a gift from God. I don’t know what is in store for us and my heart is heavy right now but I know things can change in the blink of an eye and that is what I am hoping for.

Your mom loves you so much. She is trying to be able to be with you no matter what. Remember that. I am writing this so some day you know she has fought for you since the moment she knew about you. You are so blessed to have such a strong mother. No matter what anyone tells you she wants you all the time because you have a bond that only mothers and daughters can have not to hurt someone else. She wants you because God made you in her womb and she kept you safe there until you were ready to come out. She loves your fat little feet and your soft peaches cheeks. She loves your laughter and your giggles. She just loves you. She will tell you with her own mouth some day when you are big like her that she never did anything to ever hurt you only what she thought was best. She had to leave your dad’s house so she could be healthy and take good care of you. She did not want to break up your family and she did the right thing. It wasn’t something she did lightly and we had many conversations before she left.

Now for this, I want you to know that I tried to talk to your dad about taking you away from your mom for a week and then him missing you for a week. I think that there could be a solution to this but tonight he couldn’t listen to me. My only hope is that peoples heart soften to the point that they start thinking about you and nothing else. There is a story in the Bible about two women that were fighting over a baby and they had to go to the king to decide who was the real mother. The king told them he would cut the baby in half and that would solve the problem. The real mother then told the king to give the baby to the other woman because she couldn’t bare to have her baby hurt. That wise king then knew who the real mother was and she got her baby back. This is my hope for you. Your aunt is not your mother, your dad’s girlfriend is not your mother and I am not your mother. You have a mother that loves you with everything in her no matter what anyone tells you. I want you to have access to both of your parents but especially your mother.

Now as I close know that every night you are tucked in your bed here that we say your prayers and I am missing that right now. I love how you fold your little hands and look up at us with that grin. Your mom and I will say them for you until you get back. We love you my little sweetheart and so does your crazy dog Boots.

                                                                                 Love, Your Nana

P.S.

I have to tell your mom this McKenzie. I love you Alisha. Know your dad and I are in your corner. We are proud and so blessed to have you as our girl. I know how humbling it was for you to ask for our help and how hard it was for you to ask God back in your life. That’s what is so great about giving up the old and putting on the new. You grow and God will sustain you through it all. He will put people in your life that will help you, Always remember that I don’t care what other people say and never have. You are my sweet sweet girl and I love you just as much today as I did when you were little like my Peaches.

Time Flies

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Today as I sat in church with my grandkids I had a lump in my throat because my Alexis that beautiful baby in the picture above is almost eleven years old. Gone are her days of being carted around on her Aunt Alisha’s hip but not the connection of their love for each other.Alisha still loves that girl and it is evident because she trusts her with her own baby McKenzie.

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Fast forward nine years later and some things never change. Braces and pajamas and babies getting carted around are still prevalent in this house and I am glad. Being adored when you are ten by a little person is awesome. That look of joy I see on my Lexie’s face is the same look I saw on Alisha’s when she was that age. I savor the innocence like I do my Little Dude’s kisses because I know they will not last forever. I remember loving my cousins like that. There is just something about girls and their cousins. McKenzie will run to Alexis before any of the other kids. They have a bond and I know Alexis loves it and who wouldn’t, just look at those cheeks!

So today I am thankful for the time that went so fast it almost came full circle. It is hard to believe that my baby has a baby and my first granddaughter is old enough to cart a baby around. I wish I could slow this time down but I don’t think I will worry about it, just enjoy it. Thank God for little girls.

Don’t Drink The Dew

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Last Saturday I had all the grand girls for a sleep over. As the evening wore on I was getting very tired plus I was so thirsty after our burrito supper.  I asked Hungarian Work Horse if there was any Mountain Dew in the basement refrigerator thinking it might solve both my problems. He brought me one up and right on cue as I was unscrewing the lid off out comes our little Landyn.

“Nana are you drinking pop?”

“Yes, Honey I am.”

“I love pop Nana but I can’t drink Mountain Dew because my Mom won’t let me. It is not good for you.”

“Landyn, I hardly ever drink pop so I think it will be alright. Besides your dad drinks it and he is okay”

“ No Nana it is bad for you and you should not drink it. I know this.”

“What can happen Landyn?”

She thought for a second and then replied,”Well you will get a moustache so stop drinking it. You don’t want to walk around looking like that do you?”

As I was conjuring up images of me with a mustache like Yosemite Sam’s I put the bottle down. I’m sticking to good old water from now on. Those stinking mustaches run in our family and I don’t want to embarrass the grand girls. Now that I think of it I better call Alisha. I think she was downing one of those big bottles the other day and I certainly don’t want her to have a five o’clock shadow before she has to.

Tonight I am thankful for my little Landyn that wants to be called Minnie. She is so precious to me. My heart fills with love just thinking of her. Thank you God for little girls with a twin brother.There is nothing better. Blessings Everyone.

The Home Invasion

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I came home to a quiet house yesterday. As I walked into the house imagine how shocked I was when I opened our bathroom door. A robbery must have happened and I never had Little Dude with me to look for clues. He was having a pajama day with his other fake grandma Ronda.

IMG_0835Yes that’s her. I’m not too worried about her taking my place in the highest anarchy grandma department because her fingers get stuck in her ears like that and it sometimes makes playing with the kids difficult. Hopefully with the new Obama Care she can get that problem fixed. But now back to the invasion…

I had a pretty good idea who the bandit was but I needed help. The only thing missing was a roll of toilet paper and a few wash clothes. In the past there have been toilet paper trails and towel lint on the floor but not today. The robber was getting crafty.

IMG_1047Usually when this occurs there is a trail of Fig Newton’s and some strange music coming from the toy area but today it was quiet.

Then I heard noise coming from down our open stair way. My daughter Alisha had the perpetrator in custody and here is what she looks like.

IMG_3709IMG_1033If you see her near any bathroom area make sure the door is closed and locked. Or better yet ask her to close it and she will because she knows if it is open the temptation will over take her sensibilities and she will commit the crime. She can’t help it. She just loves bathroom paraphernalia.

For The Love Of McKenzie

IMG_0996This little girl is in the middle of a war and she doesn’t even know it. It about knocks the breath of me to know that she is loved by many and fought over by two families.

About two weeks ago I came home from work with a note on our bar in the kitchen from my daughter. It said, I am here now but McKenzie is not. Alisha left the residence that her and her boyfriend lived in and he wouldn’t let her take her baby. Her heart was broken and she was afraid. After five agonizing days the police picked this little girl up and returned her to her mother. Now through the court system they have to figure out what is best for McKenzie and I can see already it is going to be an uphill climb because these parents cannot talk to each other. There is bitterness and anger and for that I am so sorry. I hate that my daughter has to feel like this. She is such a good little mama and I am proud of the way she takes care of her daughter. Her voice will be forever seared in my brain when she would call and just sob,”Mom, I just want my baby.” I heard this on her way to work and sometimes on her way home from work. She just wanted her baby. It was gut wrenching and I couldn’t sleep just trying to think of ways to console her. I knew that she would get her baby because her baby belongs with her I just didn’t know when. I am so thankful that McKenzie is with us and that she is such a happy little girl.

Through this Alisha has learned many things. She now tells me she wished that she would have listened to her dad and me when she was eighteen. We didn’t want her to live with somebody before she was married and she now knows that sneaking around to meet her now babies father was not the right thing to do. I don’t know if she thought that we wouldn’t  approve of him or if in her heart she knew that he wasn’t good for her but the hard truth is they should never have been a couple. She tells me that she has regrets but she did get a miracle out of the deal and that is McKenzie and I tend to agree with her. I love having the baby here because we hardly see hardly ever saw them when her and the babies father were together. She is a little miracle and I am so glad Alisha has her. McKenzie is Alisha’s hope for the future and her help in the journey back to her family. We have both of them in our hub to stay and there is no doubt in my mind that Alisha feels the same way. I can’t worry about the outcome of this mess but I can enjoy and rejoice in the love my family. I know Alisha’s lesson in this is a hard one, undeniably more than she thinks she can handle but I know she can do it. This family won’t let her down. She is protected by her dad and my love and support no matter what. We have already gotten so many blessings with her coming back home.She talks to me and never seems to tire of it. She wants to do the right thing and she wants to go back to school. Her goals are attainable with her families help and I want her to know that we will help in any way we can. We love her and no matter what she did in her past and we are proud of her. She too is a miracle.

Lessons in life are hard and going through something like this always leaves a sour taste in my mouth. I don’t like conflict and I don’t like to fight. I want the right thing for Alisha and McKenzie to happen and I believe it will. This last week I started thinking about when the girls were in high school and their petty arguments would want me to rip out my hair. How those days look so simple now. I pray that I do the right thing always for my girl and my granddaughter. Alisha if you are reading this right now just know it is going to be alright. Your future is just waiting to spill goodness on you and McKenzie. You will someday look back and this will be a memory not a nightmare like it is now. You now walk the walk of a mother and God loves a good mother. When Jesus was hanging on the cross He loved His mother so much that He gave her another son. That shows me how much compassion God has for a mother suffering. I have thought of this many times and I want you to remember it. Use your lips for kissing your daughter (and your mother wouldn’t mind one once in a while) and good things will happen. God gave you McKenzie and He won’t take her away.

My hope in all of this is that young people really think hard before they make choices. I find it comforting that my daughter now knows that her dad and I always wanted the best for her. Simply put she is ours even if someone called us adopted parents in a document. Blood doesn’t make family. Love does.

Tattooed And So Happy

My Sister Linda and I were Sunday School teachers for many years. Here is Little Dude singing one of the songs we used to teach our students. He loves to sing and I love to teach so it is a match made in heaven. I want him to see how he sang when he was little because I know some day down the road he won’t admit he ever sang for me. This is for his future wife and their kids. Wouldn’t it be fun to see your dad doing something like this when he was little? Sorry about my taping again. I know it isn’t the greatest but the content is so sweet I wanted to always have it for him. I had to put it on twice because I love how he claps like he has cymbals. Blessings everyone.

Fighting Mad

Collin. Little Dude never made it to church last Sunday and I was telling him how I let another little boy sit by me and play with my Kindle. He got mad about it.

“Nana he betta watch out because I might punch him.”

“Honey, that isn’t very nice. Do you think that Jesus would say something like that?”

“Nana, don’t wowwy I wouldn’t punch Jesus.”

The Wedding’s Off And I Love My Family

IMG_1012Two weekends ago I had about all of my favorite men at my house. They were working on the foundation of our old farm home so that it doesn’t leak anymore. It was a weekend project that made Hungarian Work Horse miss church and everything. My favorite Little Dude was right in the mix of things. He loves all things machinery and Uncle Greg brought his digger and here Little Dude and his Daddy are digging. I love these two with all my heart. Little Dude was so happy and I was glad the big guys let him help until he ran in the house and I asked him for a quick smooch.

“Nana, I don’t have time right now. I got work to do and I can’t marry you.”

I got kicked to the curb for machinery.

IMG_1009They dug all around the foundation of our house and tarred and put a drain system in it. This is my favorite brother-in-law of the day working. He is the one that my sister Linda dresses up so they can sing like Sonny and Cher every Sunday in church. The Sounds Of Sunday will tell you all about it . That Linda is so lucky to have him with all of his machinery and his kindness. He brought all that equipment and my nephew Josh just to help us.

IMG_1007That’s my other Dude Josh. I love him like my own son. He is the one holding the bottle on my header up there. Yes, he’s come along way from those olden days. It just came to me while I was writing this that he may have gotten his love for starting fires when he was little because he spent so much time at our house. Hungarian Work Horse loves him some fire and Josh probably picked up the trait from him. I am so grateful that he took time away from his family to help his uncle. Read Supper at the Stings on this blog to get to know them better.

IMG_0432Little Dude was filthy all day. I kept my eye on him at all times because I didn’t want him to get hurt. He was going from coffee cup to coffee cup outside sneaking drinks. I just laughed. I finally did get a kiss after a couple of hours when he came in and wanted a sample of the watermelon I was cutting up for the guys lunch. His dad came in a while later and I told him about the coffee caper he was pulling. Mike said he wasn’t stealing any because he gave him a travel mug filled with water so he could pretend that he was drinking coffee like the big guys. I begged to differ because his breath smelled suspiciously Columbian after his kiss.

My heart is full today remembering how my family helped us. A lesson for my grandkids is in here and it isn’t hard to see. They say you can pick your friends but not your family but I say I couldn’t have a better family no matter how I got them. Greg is more than my brother-in-law. He is my friend and he took my Josh under his wing when he married my sister and is better than any dad could ever  be. He is kind and forgiving. Josh has always treated me like a second mother and I love him more than words can express. I am so blessed to have a nephew that still kisses me when he sees me and lets me take his picture when I know he doesn’t want to. If I called him right now he would come and that means something to me. And my son-in-law Mike. He is a son to me in my heart. He is such a good dad to my most prized possession of all, my grandkids. Little Dude has a lot of Mike in him and that is a good thing. I am so glad Brooke married him.

As I sit typing this it makes me realize that men are good. I need to remember these guys and not jerks from my past. I grew up thinking my Hungarian Work Horse was the only man that mattered and that is not true. My sisters and I have many men to be thankful for in our lives. The Little Hahn girls may have had a rough start but we are in good guy heaven now. I love the men in my life. It feels so good to be able to say that. I know we have more good guy plantings coming in the future and I can’t wait. My sister Linette will see to that. My Little Dude has some good examples from men on how to treat his woman some day. He will be loving and kind. He will be a good dad and someday Papa. He will work and he will be a family man because that is where he came from. I just hope the woman he marries likes skidders and diggers because I have a feeling they will be part of his employment. He may be a little stingy with the smooches but if she has a cut up watermelon and a cup of coffee she’ll be all right. One thing I know for sure is that he will love her because he has lots of practice in that department and I plan on giving him many more lessons.

This day I want my grandkids to remember to be a good family member. Don’t grow absent from your aunts and uncles. They are part of who you are and they love you no matter what because you are mine. God put us in this family for a reason and the older I get the clearer it becomes. We are very blessed to have each other and I know if I died today my sisters and their family will keep you all close. You are loved by many and especially me. Today I am thankful for family. Blessings everyone.

I Miss My Navy Girl

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MOM!
I got your great package with the great books (which I am realizing that I am totally into those types of books) and the crackers, snacks and peanut butter. The sad bad news is that the Jar BROKE 😦 and I am saddened to say it just
didn’t make it. But, when Jan and I do go back to Michigan, when ever that may be (before Jan 21st because my drivers license expires) we will be taking some back with us!
I am so glad to hear about the family and I just wish I could be home to enjoy everyone and everything. It makes me sad when I know the kids are growing up without me. But I love that they are learning so much and that they are so loved and I am always just so grateful for the amazing loving family that we have! After going from country to country and having seen so many sad things, I have really realized just how blessed I am.
I cannot wait to go home and make goulash of all things. Here on the ship, they say they make "Hungarian goulash" but it is really just beef cubes and noodles….nothing like it! I wish I could show them all how to make the real stuff from scratch!
Again mom, thank you for everything that you have done for me out here. No matter what happens, know that I am always thinking of you guys and know that you are all safe and sound at home. Maybe that is what this is all about?
Oh and you need to write some more blogs! I have saved every single one of them in a binder so I can always go back to them.

I love you mom and will talk to you soon,
Boots

That was the last email I got from my Beth and I have it memorized. I am so missing her and when I read her words I can actually see her lips move in my mind. I miss her freakishly long second toe that I used to kiss when she was three. I miss her hair and I miss her beautiful long fingers with the slightly square nails so perfectly shaped. I miss how she says Mom. I miss how she laughs. I miss her hour long showers and her running down our steps. I miss how she thinks her dad can do anything and I miss how she plays with the kids. I miss the sound of her voice and I miss how she says my brother. I miss her little nose. I miss how she looks when she drives. I miss her playing her flute. I miss how she chews. I miss how she leans down to hug me when she walks in the door. I miss hearing her sing. I miss her beautiful smile and I miss her writing messages on Grandma Perkie’s note board. I miss how she blinks. I miss how she runs. I miss how she puts the best spin on everything. I miss how she is so proud. I just miss.

She is a soldier but to me she is my daughter and she is a sister and an aunt and a niece and my mother’s granddaughter. Our family is missing a piece and we are ready any time to get it back.

I love you my Bethy Boots and I am trying to be patient but it is not easy. We are waiting with jam to replace the broken jar and goulash bubbling on the stove. We too are grateful for our family but it is so missing you. I am trying to remember that you are soldier but it is hard for this mother that is missing her daughter. I am sad and lonely for my girl. I am waiting to hear your voice and praying that you are safe. I wrote this so you can put it in your binder with the others. Now that you have it go get some rest. When you lay your head on your pillow tonight remember how I tucked you in bed and helped you say your prayers so many years ago. Feel my breath on your forehead as I gave you that goodnight kiss. I can’t do the same tonight in person but know I am doing it with all of my heart in my mind. I love my Navy Girl. I miss you. Mom

What Makes Our Man

IMG_0336This is my Hungarian Work Horse in all of his wonderfulness. Here is a few things you might not know about him.

The dance The Egg Beater originated from his two left feet and lack of rhythm in the seventies but it soon lost it’s popularity when people converted to the Kitchen Aid stand mixer. My sisters try to bring it back when they ask him to dance at weddings.

He drives a red Ford pick up like every person in our area but people know when they pass him on the road because he leans on his door when he drives. I think it comes from all those years I sat so close to him when we were dating.

He had to repeat kindergarten because he could not speak English. He still has trouble with aluminum and linoleum so I try to get those words in our conversations on a weekly basis for our little granddaughter Landyn. I want her to feel good when she is in speech therapy.

He loves fire and is constantly burning something. It is a help to me when I am giving directions to our house. I just tell people to follow the smoke.

  He loves fireworks. Too bad he doesn’t have the patience for the people on the road after we leave. I refuse to go with him after he actually drove through Bay City in the turning lane one Fourth of July evening because the traffic was bad.

He loves to go out to eat but doesn’t like to wait in restaurants. The children probably remember every restaurant we ever went to because of their father. His patience ran thin at Chi Chi’s one time when we watched tables get served before us even though they came in much after us. He had other people in our seating area backing him as he sent us out to the car so he could talk to the manager alone. I guess it was OK because we were full from the complimentary salsa and chips anyway. Another time we were at Ponderosa and the waiter was really cocky. Hungarian Work Horse didn’t like how he was talking to other customers in front of our kids and again remarked to people in our seating area. The kicker for that one was when the guy started to clear off the tables piling food and dirty dishes on his tray and dropped a chicken bone in my purse. It wasn’t pretty.

jami&al 001He thinks pregnant women are the most beautiful things in all the world. Females from all over come to our house when they start feeling ugly in their pregnancy. He will do any thing for a pregnant woman. I had to put my foot down when he was asked if he made house calls.

When he was about eight years old he built a wooden sled and hooked up the neighbors dog to it. Every day an old man would drive by and that dog would chase the car so he thought he could get the dog to pull him while chasing the car. Unfortunately he must has been too light and the sled jerked out from under him when the dog took off running and a nail that he didn’t have pounded down gouged his butt cheek. He had to declare that scar as an identifying mark when he registered for the draft.

He has Ricky Nelson lips and Davy Jones good looks but that is where the comparison ends. He can’t sing a lick. When our Brooke was a baby she didn’t care because she thought he was making character noises and who wouldn’t. Here is a sample-

                                              She kicked out my windshield

                                              She hit me over the head

                                               She cussed and cried

                                               And said I lied

                                               And wished that I was dead.                    

I made him quit that one because I didn’t want her thinking the song was about me.

His eyes are not his greatest asset because no matter what he is looking for he can’t find it. Last night he went to the fridge for the ketchup and he said there wasn’t any. I opened the door and it was right where we always keep it, on the side shelf.

He is legendary in our family for some of his ways but his greatest attributes are this. He loves his family. He makes us laugh and he makes us feel safe. He leads us by example spiritually,emotionally, and physically. He’s not perfect but close to it. His grandkids will read this some day and know that he was something special. They will remember that off key singing guy that hugged them to his chest in church and held them while they mowed the lawn, his kisses and his I love you that was always whispered in their ear in parting and how he held their nana’s hand when ever he could. What makes him so special is something you cannot see but something you feel. We have much to be thankful for in having him even when he melts the siding on the house trying to kill off weeds with a blow torch. We’ll keep him and all of his ways and love every minute of it. Blessings Everyone.