Well here I go again trying to get smaller in the New Year.It is like a sickness with me and I can’t ever be happy about how I look.My friends and I are on the 2012 journey to skinniness and we are oh so excited.This is the year of the 17 day diet and nutrition yada yada at work.
My friend Deb and I have been on this adventure ever since we met when we were young mothers trying to lose a few pounds back in the eighties and lose them we did,it’s just to bad we keep finding them in the back closet of our eating habits.If I could make money in the private eye department for people that need to find the weight they lost I could be rolling in the dough and be able to afford the liposuction that I know all of those movie stars use.I have very few friends that I diet with because frankly I am the portliest of us all and they know that when we start losing I will take it off and look better than them and I think it scares them.Deb is a different story .She really isn’t that big at all but she is a true eating friend.I think she likes me because my sister married her brother and we know that we are bound by family to not get to dramatic over the weight crap.We joined Weight Watchers when we were younger together and spent hundreds of dollars losing about twenty pounds.We should have used the money to go on a cruise or something because the weight returned.
Our next adventure was this tea she found that was going to get all the toxins out of our body and boy did it.I,a person that tries to avoid public restrooms at all costs,was turning into gas stations on two wheels leaving the motor running and the car door open just to find a toilet and I don’t mean to pee.Lose weight yes and also what little dignity I had left in my home town.The Cabbage Soup diet had the same effect on me.I have decided that I like toxins in my body.
I tried the three eggs three hot dogs and three banana diet and that was ok for a few days until I think the stuff started to ferment in my bowels and I couldn’t leave home for a week because of the smell.Then there was the all protein diet that made me feel like a cement mixer I was so constipated that I actually got hemorrhoids from it.I have drank vinegar in the morning,lemon in hot water and enough water to hydrate our garden for the summer.I have tried diet pills that never worked and not eating after six o’clock.I even made up my own diet and you guessed it,I gained a few pounds in the process after I lost them.
I am an expert at the art of dieting and still confused about it.This is why Deb and I are going to these nutrition classes at work that is going to get us a coach of some sort.She was all worked up because I had to work in a different area and couldn’t be there to sign up with her so I called and told her Sign Me Up.I can’t wait to hear this person tell me how to eat and get beautiful.I might turn the table on her and start talking diet talk to her like my Grandma Jahr talked German to me.She will understand a little but not believe what she is hearing.She has never seen friends like us.Deb actually said to me one time come on Liz lets eat it,we will wear it together.Now that is a true friend.Weight a minute, here we go again.