This Old Woman’s Shoe Is Empty

  • UntitledThere was a time in my life that the thought of any of my kids living anywhere else but home would bring a lump in my throat and an ache in my heart.I was on the boarder line of a nervous breakdown when my oldest daughter Brooke got married and had to move in with her husband.Then Jared left me and moved out of state and I knew I was going to go off the deep end for sure.Bethany and Alisha were always wanting to get out of Dodge from the time they graduated and it wasn’t long before Beth joined the Navy and after a terrible time in our lives Alisha, my baby, moved out too.After each kid left I had a horrible time battling depression and fear.The separation was horrible.I bawled and bawled.The kids thought they didn’t need me anymore and my life was over.Who would keep them out of trouble and on the straight and narrow?I knew that their spiritual life would never be the same and I would never be happy again.Do you get where this is going?I was, I thought clinically insane and not for  the first time in my life oh so WRONG.

Gone are the days of missed curfews and and untruths as to where they were.No more worries about alcohol and premarital sex under our roof,and the fights of two cat scratching sisters always trying to one up the other.Our grocery and light bill are doable and we sometimes have money for ourselves to go out to dinner on a Thursday before we get our check.The gas we put in the vehicles we drive out and the house looks like it did when I left for work in the morning.To think I was dreading the very life I now love living is almost laughable.We can do what we want when we want.We hold hands and we kiss.We can talk things over out loud and not be worried that the kids might hear.We can eat cereal for supper if we want to.When the phone rings it’s for us and if someone knocks on the door I am almost sure it isn’t the police!My make up is my own.My very own.No one else goes in my bathroom and borrows stuff that I never get back.When I put something down it is in the same spot I left it.The gremlins that moved everything apparently left when the kids did.I can now remain calm when I hear a siren and not worry one of them has been in an accident.

I know it sounds like when they moved out I hung up my parent hat and that is not true.I still worry at times but now that I am not in the middle of their mistakes it is easier for me to relax.If they don’t tell me something important ,like they got married or fired from a job I can breathe.I know they will learn  that God is still in control and when they do something wrong it is Him they should worry about ,not what I think.I love every one of my kids and would give my life for any of them and they all know it,but living under the same roof has come to an end and we are all probably glad it’s over.I believe we had many more good times than bad and I do miss them,but I will get over it.

Now I can enjoy playing with my grandkids and I am not the one raising them.The picture you see is a portrait my Lexie made of me.That is how she sees me all happy and blue skies my arms as the cross between happiness and her biggest supporter.I hope my kids feel that way about their dad and me too.That is how I look when my kids come home and also when it is their time to go.

It is nice to be able to love your family and not be in charge of every little thing,to be able to lay on the couch for five minutes when you get home from work before you prepare the cereal and to know that the remote is right where you put it—————–if you can remember where you put it in the first place.

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