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Footsteps

Bethy 3My daughter Bethany is in Korea right now and today I got an email from her. How I loved it while I was reading her words that so sounded like my girl. Her Grandma Perkie baked her some cookies and they finally arrived. Some of the things that I have been sending her was also in the mail drop and she was so grateful. Sometimes I complain about this computer but today I am so thankful for it. It is a lifeline to my daughter so many miles away and technology is something that I take for granted but won’t after today. On Mothers Day at two o’clock in the morning I and her dad heard her sweet voice. She apologized for calling so late and for a while I thought I was dreaming. She sounded like she was here in the States. I couldn’t sleep for hours after we talked those few minutes.I cried and cried like I do when my kids are involved and my heart was full of so many emotions.It was such a gift for me on Mothers Day and I needed that because sometimes I don’t know if I am a very good mother.Sometimes I wonder if I make good choices when it comes to my kids but that phone call made me feel so appreciated at that moment. It was truly a gift for a worn out mama.

My Beth is a woman of the utmost in family and I am so proud of her. Smiling comes easy as I think of how different her dad and my conversations were with her. I was asking about how people treated her,about the food,and how she was feeling and she was asking about her nieces and nephews and her grandma and how she is sending them gifts from Korea. I told her about how my Dad was a paratrooper in the Korean War and was on Pork Chop Hill.

Her dad on the other hand was wanting to know exactly where she was and where she would be going.She couldn’t tell him a lot but that she would let us know as she could. He was popping out questions like the grandkids before a party. The love in his voice was so thick that it was hard for me to listen to. He is a man that loves hard when it comes to his kids and I wondered what that was like because my dad was taken from my sisters and me when we were little and never knew him as adult women. Would Daddy be proud of us and how we turned out? How different would our lives have been if he wasn’t taken away from us? Some day I will ask why he made it home from war just to be killed in a car accident leaving five little girls and a wife not out of her twenties all alone.

daddyservice 001My dad was one of the paratroopers that landed on Pork Chop Hill.That is him on the left.I think he is so handsome in this picture. I googled it and spent half the morning reading about it. So many soldiers were lost and I felt so sad. I don’t know much about war I admit but seeing some of the things my dad was a part of was an emotional roller coaster for me. A young man like my Beth is a young woman so far from home. I wonder if their footsteps felt any of the same path. To think that my daughter and my dad were in this place in the military is something I have never thought about. I hope he knows about Beth because he would love her. She is like him even though she has never met him. Like my dad Beth loves her family intensely. She loves to laugh like he did. They both rode a ship to Korea though their jobs were very different.He told my grandma all he did on that ship was peel potatoes. Beth on the other hand tells me she works twelve hours a day and is very busy. Both soldiers,yet one a man and one a woman both connected by a family that loves them so even though they never met. I get reassuring words from Beth about how safe she is just like my Grandma Hahn did from Dad. His letters to her were always upbeat and Beth is too.

I told her on the phone that night how Dad fell in love with a Korean girl but her parents wouldn’t let her come home to the states with him. It’s probably for the best because he fell in love with my mom the first time he laid eyes on her after he got home. My mom jokes about how different we girls would look if that Korean woman would have been our mother. I can’t even imagine. I guess it’s funny how things work out sometimes and maybe he was heart broken when he left without her but I believe God knew that her life would have been so hard after he was killed here with all her family in Korea. I hope she is a happily married woman and that her life is good. If I could give her a message I would tell her thank you for caring about my dad and that we loved him so.

As always I would like to leave my grandkids with this. Footsteps are something we make on this walk of life. They sometimes take us far away from home but you never know when God will connect them from something in the past and your family can be entwined in ways you can’t even fathom.The future is a wonderful thing but sometimes looking at those footsteps from the past can bring you joy. I know it did me today. I feel that my dad and my daughter,two of the most wonderful people that you could ever meet,are part of these footsteps.Like my friend JoAnn said to Bethy in her message I salute you.

Carry on soldier and God’s blessings.

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Double Digits

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This weekend we celebrated a very special birthday. Our oldest granddaughter turned ten. Here she is the picture of health at nine months old. She was such a blessing and can you tell by looking at her she had a rough start in life? I don’t think so but that picture is a lesson for all of us.I know for sure that God doesn’t make junk and I am proud that my daughter and son-in-law knew it from the start too.

We were so excited to hear that the kids were going to have a baby. Mike and Brooke were starting their life together and all was well.  I as usual even then was fixing something broken on my body.I had an accident with the lawn mower and pulled the socket out of my arm. It broke in several pieces and the big bone of the same arm had to have a rod inserted but that’s another story. I was next door to the doctors office at physical therapy and the receptionist told me someone had been hanging around my car. I went out to a note from Brooke,my daughter, telling me to come over to the doctors office. I still have that note. When I got in the office they let me go in the room with Brooke.She was having a pregnancy test. I was there when they examined her and the excitement for me was almost unbearable. The doctor told us that because she was a tiny girl that we might be able to hear a heart beat so they got that jelly stuff out and the machine and sure enough we had our first introduction to a very special baby. I remember crying as I heard that steady thump thump thump and Brooke giggling. Her smile lit up the room and I will never forget that moment. So Lexie Lou when you read this your Nana was the first person to hear your heartbeat besides your mother.

As the weeks went on we were planning and making way for our little baby. Brooke and Mike were going for an ultrasound and some time later they were going to stop at our house after the appointment. We waited and waited and they never came. I really can’t even remember if we finally went to their house our they came to ours but I do remember the conversation and we were devastated. The ultrasound showed that the baby was a girl but she had a condition called gastroschisis . Basically the baby had intestines and other parts of her body growing on the outside of her body. The doctors told the kids she might only live for two years or she might be fine after surgery. It didn’t matter,Brooke and Mike were in for the challenge and I am so proud that they knew Alexis was perfect from the moment God gave her to them. I believe sometimes God gives you the baby you need not the baby you want and it has been true for us many times over in this family.

baby lex 001Alexis made her grand entrance after a helicopter ride to Ann Arbor in her mama’s belly. Her papa tried to follow the thing and almost got us arrested when he tried to drive out to the take off place when they were hauling Brooke away. Poor Mike had to drive up to the U of M hospital and we waited with Brooke until she was released to the paramedics. I am so thankful he had his sister Amiee with him. I sat white knuckled as Hungarian Work Horse took me on the ride of my life.Who knew he could be so aggressive behind the wheel. When we got to the hospital we found Mike and Aimee and they didn’t know where Brooke was. Because of the HEPA laws the hospital wouldn’t give us any information and we were all about nuts. Apparently they did not know Brooke’s dad. He went on a search and found her. That hospital is lucky and so are we and the quarry where he works because if he wouldn’t have found Brooke we would all be visiting him behind bars. You just can’t mess with his family.

Alexis Elizabeth was born cesarean section in the middle of the night on May fourth. We all loved her intensely from the moment we saw her. Our little girl thrived under the care of her parents and she is loved by many.

100_0047Here she is with her crazy Papa a few months later. Can you tell he likes her?

She is growing up so fast. Gone are the days that she slept with us in our bed when she spent the night. Papa never liked that because she would tell people that he slept naked and he didn’t. Most of the time he would sleep on the couch and she and I would get the bed. I remember one time he snuck up there before we did and when we got upstairs she looked at him and said,”Papa you’re in my spot!”

Another time he had to watch her for about twenty minutes while I ran down to the church.

When I got home he said from the bathroom,”Thank God you’re home because Alexis wouldn’t let me out of the bathroom.”

“What do you mean?” I asked.

“Well, every time I opened the door to get out she would tell me to get back in here.”

She was two at the time and had him wrapped right around her little finger.

I could go on and on about this little girl that had a horrible start in life but I better end it before I bore you to death. You know how grandparents are.

I guess what I want to leave you with today is this. It doesn’t matter how you start out in life it matters what you do with it. The lesson is from a little girl that has made it into double digits with a zipper. We match now,mine on my knees and hers on her belly. We are a team and she is wonderfully made.

IMG_0319 I love you Alexis Elizabeth.

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Grandpa’s Girl

Bethany and Grandpa

My Bethany is in the United States Navy and she is deployed right now. As her mother I am anxious because she is so far from home and I haven’t heard from her. We usually email back and forth but that has not been possible this last month because my internet has been down. The frustration I have felt trying to get my provider to get me up and running just about drove me crazy. After many phone calls to a stupid computer telling me to try this and try that and sitting on the phone for hours to talk to a live person I had about had it. We had a technician out and he thought it was fixed and it was for about ten minutes. The next day I called and waited forty minutes to talk to someone and told them if it wasn’t fixed by the end of the day we were cancelling all of our services with them. Why didn’t I do that in the first place I don’t know. The reason I even bring it up is because usually I am a take charge kind of person but I let worry overtake this thing because of my Beth. I just knew she was emailing me and thought I wasn’t taking the time to answer. I knew she needed to tell me something important and I wasn’t there for her and I worried she was feeling all alone. That wasn’t the case I am happy to say because I never got one email from her when my computer was up and running. That’s how it goes when you have a kid in the service. You go through what I call the three W’s,wait wonder and worry.Not good and I am trying to get over it.

My Beth is an Aviation Structural Mechanic for Safety Equipment. She loves her job. I sent her some questions when she first left and this is what she told me.

They have church everyday on the ship and Lutheran services on Sunday.

She works twelve hours a day from six at night until six in the morning seven days a week.

She really can’t tell me where they are because of Operational Security.

The food is pretty lackluster but you can buy snacks until they run out which is often.

She shares a room with about fifty other females from different commands.

She doesn’t like to touch anything in the shower.

She has trouble keeping weight on right now.

People tell her she is refreshing to be around and she has made many friends.

When she emails it sounds like she could be anywhere and it is still my Beth. I hope that if you know someone in the Armed Forces you take a little time for them. Send them a letter a package or just a card. Let them know they are missed and loved. It is our responsibility to keep them informed about what is going on back home. They miss us and they are tired so I am sure that even brings on loneliness. Please keep them in your thoughts and prayers but also give them something tangible to hold on to and look at. If you belong to an organization or a church hand out their address and ask them to help.Anything from home is something they will love.

I know my girl reads this blog when they have access and that was another thing that tricked me off when our service was down but it is up today and I am doing this for her.I love you Bethy. I miss you and I can’t wait to hear from you. Dad and I talk about you every day. I put that picture up there of you and Grandpa because he was so proud of you. You remember the day don’t you? I bet he has the biggest grin on his face right know and is spewing ship details to everyone up there that will listen. Grandma too is so proud and she loves you so much.She asks everyday if we have heard from you and she plans on sending you some of those cookies that you love. She has never erased that I love my Grandma Perkie off her message board by the phone that you wrote many moons ago.

You are on everyone’s mind back here at home. Thank you for doing what you do and for being my daughter. You are a blessing and I love you.

I have one last thing I want to do for my girl. If you could please give her a hello today on this blog. It doesn’t take but a little bit of time and it will make me so happy that she has something to read from all of us wherever we are. People she is special and has been from the start. Give her a little love.

Thank you and Blessings Everyone.Bethy 2

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Driving Miss Lizzy

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When do you quit appreciating your mother? What makes you think that your mother doesn’t have feelings? Why do some people put their feelings ahead of their own mothers?

These are questions I ask myself and I haven’t got the answers to them. My mom and I have been though more than most in our lives with each other and I guess some of her decisions I have never understood and never will but she is still my mom and I am grateful to have her. Are you that way with your mother? I love it that I still have my mom and cherish the time we have together because I know that many people don’t have their moms anymore. Once they are gone all you have is memories and they are wonderful but there is nothing like the presence of a warm body and a live voice. My mom has beat cancer twice and yet there are some who take it for granted that she is always going to be here. It pains me to think of people that will move heaven and earth to go to someone’s funeral but never take the time to visit or call them when they are alive. The corpse doesn’t care that you are at a funeral but the person still living remembers how much time you have sent their way. I will never understand how you can’t take five minutes out of your day to pick up the phone and show your mother some love. My mom and I have a difference of opinion on more than one thing but most of the time she doesn’t know it. I let her talk and most of the time I laugh at what she says because she is so adamant about her opinions. That I still have the opportunity to hear her voice when she says them is wonderful. She still loves me and she is still kicking, so it is a win win situation for me. I don’t try to debate her because after all she is the mother. She is full of life and she is a great grandma. She loves my kids and the ones that don’t spend any time with her should be ashamed. They will never know until she is gone what they missed. A busy life doesn’t give you a pass for ignoring your mother.Her life style doesn’t give you a reason to not appreciate her in a physical way. You don’t like something she does or says is no excuse for not spending time with her. She is the first person that you think  of when the going gets tough or you need some money. Mothers around the world love their kids in spite of what they do not because of what they do. To ignore that is a travesty because some day when kids do the same to them they will wonder why and not understand how it could have happened. Your mother is human and not perfect,but most of the time she is your biggest supporter.

When I was growing up every summer we got to go to my cousins to spend a week. I loved it because I never had any responsibilities and I was away from any drama that might have been going on. I loved my sisters but it was nice to be a kid like my cousins. My sister Linda was just the opposite. She had a belly ache as soon as she was away from mom. She would be sick until they were together again. I wish adult children knew what that felt like. Linda didn’t care how mom lived or what she did, she just missed her.She appreciated that she only had that one mom and was not the same when she wasn’t with her.It didn’t matter if mom didn’t do what she wanted. She knew that the most comfortable place in her world was in the arms of her mother and I believe she feels that way to this very day.

My mom has been hauling me around for about a month now. Today I told her that I wanted to give her some gas money for all of the time we have spent in her car. It made her mad because she said it was time we got to spend together and she wants to help us out like we do her when she needs it. We have had many discussions in her Acadia on the way to physical therapy and her main concern is the time that people give her.She loves her family and wants to be with them. I agree. Today the conversation was about my hair. It needs a cut pretty bad and I can’t stand long enough to do it myself like I usually do. Mom told me she would trim my bangs for me and I smiled. She said she doesn’t cut her own hair anymore because she can’t see good enough. I looked at her and asked why in all that is holy did she think I would let her cut my bangs when she couldn’t see good enough to cut her own. That is when we started with the horse laughs. Long and braying and tears running down my face. We talked about the frost on the trees and how beautiful it was as she hollered at drivers on the road. I laughed some more. Mom was just a kid when she had me barely seventeen and I am sure she kissed my little feet and knees  like I did my kids and here she is still helping me with my new knees. I won’t let her kiss them but I bet she would if she thought she could get away with it. She loves me unconditionally just like Jesus. She’ll be the first to tell you she is no saint but I don’t care. I am going to get as much as I can out of this mother ride because like everything it doesn’t last forever and I want no regrets.

If I leave you with anything today I hope you have a new understanding of mothers and time. Don’t be a right fighter with her because you are not her mother,she is yours. Cherish her like Jesus did His. As He was hanging on the cross He gave His mother a son. That is how much He cherished Mary. He didn’t care that she wasn’t perfect. He loved her because of it. Can you say that about yours?

IMG_0010 I love you Mom. Thank you.

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Knee Surgery Number Two Or Are You Hungry Now

IMG_0822Last Friday I had knee number two replaced.  Just looking at my knee makes me pause because it is so swollen. I have been doing physical therapy already and those therapists are a God send. Therapy is like labor pains of the knee and I just have to keep thinking of the end result,not that I haven’t had my epideral yet. I do better if I don’t look at this flesh zipper on my leg but I have never been able to stop myself from staring at things that are kind of creepy. Yesterday the therapist told me it was still weeping a little while I thought it felt like it was wailing at a funeral. This knee looks like a bad horror movie prop but I know in the long run I am finally going to walk,ride bike,and play on the floor pain free with my grandkids so it is all worth it. I can’t wait to get the staples out tomorrow because I remember from last time it didn’t feel so tight after they were out. Please think good thoughts for me though as I remember it was very painful.

This surgery was way different than my first one and I am so glad. Last time I had no recollection of my hospital stay until the night before I went home. This time I remember every moment.They used a different knock you out cocktail on me and even though I woke up once during surgery I was in my right mind the whole time.It was weird hearing the noise of something power toolish sounding being used on me but not once did I think Tim the Tool Man was doing the job and I went right back to sleep when the handsome guy by my head told me I was doing great. I think it might have been Sully that guy from Doctor Quinn Medicine Woman.

One thing I worry about now that both knees are done is that people are going to think I have those nylons from the fifties on and my seams are crooked. That’s the problem with surgery,it always leaves a scar and I have many. I have the two bionic knees and one bionic ball and socket in my right shoulder with a rod going down my right arm. Car accident you ask,no, I was thrown off a run away lawnmower. A freak accident with the upper body but not the knees,they just wore out. Both knees were bone on bone and you know what happens when you rub to sticks together.I think I might have been a fire hazard.

This summer is going to be great. I am going to swim and ride bike. I am going to work and be able to stand all day if I want. Little Landyn will limp around and say I walking like Nana used to walk not I walking like Nana.

My stepsister Kim told me my left leg looked like liver sausage,delicious. Wonder what she will get hungry for when she sees this. Truth be told I have no appetite after looking at that work of wonder. It could be a good diet aid for me. Maybe I should hang a picture of it on the pantry door. You never know I could start something like eye association dieting. I could help over weight people all over the world with just a magnetic picture hanging on the refrigerator. Maybe not though, I do have metal in me and metal and magnets do attract. All I need is something pulling me toward the ice cream.

I can’t end without telling you how much I appreciate some of the people in my family.Hungarian Work Horse you are the best husband in the world and Brooke thank you so much for staying with Dad while I was in the operating room. He worries so and I know you kept him sane. I love you both very much.Also my Mom and my sister Linda for coming to see me in the hospital. I know that no matter what I mean something to them and know that they are precious to me. Linette my sister has helped so much by making me laugh when we talk on the phone. She always does that for me. I raised her well. Thanks Lori for the spring flowers on a snowy day. It reminds of the days to come. To all the people that took the time to call and come see me it will not be forgotten. Ev thanks for telling me about the reenactment of Survivor at work,you are like a sister to me. Danielle and Tristan thank you for bringing beautiful baby Ava over to see me on the day I came home.It was wonderful to see that little miracle and have her smile for me.For real people this little new born smiles ALL the time.Probably dreaming of Aunt Liz rocking her every chance that comes around.

I got to shut this thing down because pastor called and he is coming over. Don’t worry it’s not for last rights or anything. He is just nice like that. Blessings everyone.

get well card 1 001get well card 2 001

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My Other Job

 

My job as grandma was something I learned by practice and observing.The two grandmas I had were wonderful and that is what I try to mold my grandmaing after.My Grandma Hahn loved kids and she was a realist when it came to loving us.She laughed when we asked her why she was fat and was very laid back.Grandma Jahr on the other hand was a no nonsense get your work done kind of farm woman.If I would have asked her why she was fat she would have gave me a talking to that would have made my ears burn.

grandma 001ghahnlinda 001Grandmas Jahr and Hahn

I hope that I am a combination of both in the love department but in looks I want the kids to think I resemble Sally Field.I don’t think that is too much to ask after the job hats I wear from time to time.Here are just a few.

1 Maid In Disguise – They need one when the bedroom toys get out of hand and the clothes haven’t found their way into the hamper. One night the kids and me were playing a game when their mom went upstairs to put laundry away.When she came down I felt like we were at the police station sitting there with a burning light bulb hanging from a wire over a metal table and five folding chairs.

2 Private Eye – I have single handedly found out who Miss P’s boyfriend is.It is a closely guarded secret because her dad says she can’t have one until she is thirty.She has a ways to go because she turns seven this year.

3 Driver – My job when mom has class after school or two kids have to be at different places at the same time. It comes in handy so I can give the kids driving lessons in the driveway. I am smiling now thinking of three year old Collin on my lap while I pulled my car up mom’s driveway and my sister thought he was driving the car alone.

4 Referee – I make sure that the fights are fair and swift.It doesn’t matter if you are smaller than your opponent I am always impartial to the outcome.I don’t like fights but sometimes it does rear it’s ugly head even if it is the baby. Unlike parents I don’t have any history of who got to do it last time.

5 Emergency Room Doctor – I can think on my feet faster than a runner at the Olympics when it comes to remedies. My kids did it all so I have experience in calmly administering to the hurt.Long gone are the days that I ran from my own kids when they were hurt.Who knew I was in training for the grandkids!

6 Bakery Chef – I use that as an excuse but in a way it is true.If they need any baked goods for school my number is on speed dial.Plus I send almost everything I make over to their house because I don’t want to eat it.Their Papa always says “I wish my last name was Merchant” when I am walking out the door with a cheese cake. Little does he know that I do it for our health. I don’t want us looking like two pigs so overweight we can’t even be butchered for food.

7 Spiritual Advisor –  I love it that they all know there is Somebody watching over them.I let them pray on and on and on even when I know it is a tactic to have me stay with them a little longer.You haven’t experienced anything until you see a three year old boy pretend church. The same church he got hauled out the day before.

8 Nana – The best job of all. I never knew a Nana was like a grandma only better. It brings gales of screaming and smiles when you walk in the door. I can make a boring day turn into excitement just by pulling into the driveway. I am a supernanny only related and believe me my little love bugs need it.

The list could go on and on and if you think of anything please add to it. My life is so full with these beautiful creatures and there is more yet to come. I feel so blessed that after a life of hoping my grandmas would come and save me I get to watch the loves of my life have a normal childhood with two parents that love them and grandparents that are just there for support. This is the blessing I get. It took a while and I know I have made mistakes but on the whole I know that we have the real deal. We are the family that I longed for so long ago. People say that I sometimes spoil my grandkids but I don’t care. Somebodies got to do it and it might as well be me. That’s my other job and it’s my favorite.

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Just look at this. Now that is love in the best form. The beginning of a new adventure. Will she love me like the big kids do? I hope so. I know I love her and I can’t wait for the day that she too runs to the door when I pull in the driveway. I just love a job that pays you in happiness and hugs and kisses. I may not be rich but I am a millionaire in the grandkid department. Blessings everyone.

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Double Trouble And Twice The Fun

IMG_0657The twins are really vocal now and conversations go in every direction.A few nights ago when I was over visiting the conversation took a turn for the ditch.

They love to do what they call their homework’s with me when I come over.I now spend millions of dollars on work books so we can have fun at the table.We had two new books on thinking and they were loving it.The little dude gets possessive with me at times and tries to get Landyn out of the picture but I won’t let him.As we were deciding if the horse goes in the barn or the house our conversation went like this,

“Nana,Lannon said da F word.”

I look at Landyn sitting next to me and my body immediately turns hot.She looks like a little angel with that smile she has that is the exact replica of her mother’s.She is so happy to be included I don’t know if she even knew he was trying to throw her under the bus.I am also getting sick to my stomach thinking he is too little to know what the F word is and mad that he even knows about it.

“Collin that is enough.”

“A ha Lannon said da F word in my room last night and I kicked her out!”

Now Landyn is looking at me worried because they are not allowed to say things like that and she knows it.She looks scared and I am wondering how this word got into their vocabulary.Nobody swears around here and if they get caught by their mother I have seen her bring out a bar of soap.It has happened to Collin because I witnessed it about six months ago when he said the slang for feces and it wasn’t poop.

It is then little Landyn pipes up and says,”But I did Nana I did.”

“I don’t want that kind of language around here and if you two are going to talk like that I am going home.”

Landyn looks nervous and doesn’t say any more but not the little dude.He looks right at me hoping she is in BIG TROUBLE because I said I would go home and continues with “A ha she said fart and I kicked her out.”

All I can think is thank you Lord in heaven that fart is the four letter word that my babies think is so bad.It is so hard to keep them innocent even at three because they are out in the world and I hate that.I am so grateful my grandkids have Brooke and Mike and at this moment I treasure them as parents to the twins.

How did the night end do you ask? We had a discussion on the proper way to say passing gas and I have to say it turned into laughing and fart noises.As I always say thank you Lord for grandkids.They have the ability to send me into orbit one second and bring me back the next.